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Mo'Nique talks about her open relationship with husband

Joni L. Reynolds | Posted March 4, 2010 2:23 PM

This Sunday the Oscars will air on ABC. Barbara Walters does a special each year with top contenders. This year Mo'Nique will be one of her featured guests.

She speaks candidly about her marriage and says "Let me say this: I have not had sex outside my marriage with Sidney. Could Sid have sex outside of his marriage with me? Yes. That's not a deal-breaker. That's not something that would make us say, 'Pack your things and let's end the marriage.'"

She also says it doesn't matter how many times he does it: "What if it's 20 times? So what? We've been best friends for over 25 years, and we truly know who we are. Oftentimes, people get into marriages and they don't know who they're laying next to. I'm very comfortable and secure with my husband."

A number of people have criticized Mo'Nique's stance on this issue. Asking questions like "why get married?" This is so interesting in light of the public's reaction to Tiger Woods. He has been branded Public Enemy Number 1 for having numerous affairs. She is criticized for saying she would be alright with her husband having extramarital activities and the public is critical of this.

She goes into the situation with her eyes wide open and this too is objectionable. I am not condemning or condoning either scenario I am just highlighting the hypocrisy of our society. That is not the point of this post. the point is a celebrity in our society is damned if they do and if they don't.

[Original Entry]

Joni L. Reynolds, an African-American mother, writes a blog called Ebony Mom Politics.

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Comments 46

Ostend Street
2010-03-04 15:46:20

Mo'Nique handle your business girl and I wish you good fortune at the Oscars.

nhlanhla
2010-03-04 16:41:49

sometimes i have felt like there's some tension being being in love and loving versus passionate sex.

then i'd feel like passionate sex is about the trill of the unkown. And hence the tension.

so this Monique stance kind of make sense to me. Notwithstanding, the health risks of multiple sexual partners

Oliver
2010-03-04 16:46:08

Do your thang Monique, not my cup of tea as one on one works just fine for me, but, if it makes you happy and both ya'll are consenting, knock yourself out and practice safer sex!

H. Smart
2010-03-04 23:24:58

I think people could learn a lot from this young lady. In America we view relationships as an element of ownership versus the blessing that it could be. We get so wrapped up about exclusiveness that we run our lovers away. I hope some people read this story and rethink how their approach relationship. The current paradigm ain't working, and we have the stats to prove that. Move forward Monique...do you!

MLee
2010-03-05 02:13:04

H. Smart: I thought I was the only crazy one having views similar to yours on this subject. My only condition is that the person in an open relationship remembers who really loves him. I still have a problem with putting marriage and open relationship in the same sentence � to many potential complications, although Monique and her husband seem to be doing just fine. Some countries allow men to have multiple wives. Although having multiple wives is foreign to me, being foreign does not make it wrong.

poop
2010-03-05 02:35:09

Yeah, you manswell. Look how life is now? men wanting to screw little girls, women having sex with little boys, sex on tv, women screing women, men screwing men.....peopli killing people, parents having sex with their children, yep.........i cannot wiat until god gets me the hell away from here.

poop
2010-03-05 02:35:09

ShaQuitta Fairchild
2010-03-05 10:03:40

This confirms what I've always suspected about Mo'Nique. She suffers from a very low self esteem despite the boisterous appearance she tries to convey. I think this is a terrible message to send to young Black Women.

STEFANY
2010-03-05 10:22:56

@ShaQuitta Fairchild.......I totally agree with you..What if this man brings home HIV or makes outside children?..That was a very, very ignorant statement to make..What's the point of entering a into marrigae, a union if you're going to have sex with other people, when you take vows to someone that part of your life should be over..When you send a message "I love you enough to allow you to cheat, and disrespect my body and our marriage" that's pretty damn sad.

Lola
2010-03-05 15:19:45

ShaQuitta, girl, I have to say I agree with you, and, here I was thinking Mo was a strong black woman who was and could do her thing her way and now this revelation, ugh.

Robin
2010-03-05 16:45:46

Ms Reynolds,

I fail to see the societal hypocrisy you profess to be highlighting.

The public frowns on Tiger Woods clandestine extramarital affairs. The public frowns on open extramarital affairs in Mo'Nique's relationship. That's a pretty consistent position if you ask me (i.e., the public frowns on extramarital affairs be it a traditional marriage or a so-called open marriage).

While Mo'Nique is clearly taking it to another level, in pratical terms what she's saying is not that shocking. I would guess a hefty percent of married couples in America have experienced marital infidelity (even multiple infidelities) and it did not end the marriage. That appears to be all Mo'Nique is saying (i.e., her husband having an affair is not a slam bam it's over deal breaker for her). Other women don't come out and say that but more than a few remain in relationships marred by infidelity. We can look at recent political figures for examples of that fact.

H. smart
2010-03-06 05:34:15

@Stefany, that same man will bring you HIV whether the relationship is open or closed. Monique is taking a higher road and it has nothing to do with low self-esteem, but has everything to do with transparency.

H. smart
2010-03-06 05:37:51

Robin, well said. Another note, women of color are more prone to "cling" on to something that was never theirs. To me, that's the true sense of a low self-esteem. If it's meant for you, it will be. But to continue with facade that men don't cheat is BS. Face the fact and find a way to address the matter. I give praise to Monique for seeing things for what they are. The rest of you need to get your head out of your as* and try something new. The old way damn sure ain't working.

nasty
2010-03-06 07:44:39

thanks for the disgusting visual Monique.

tjr
2010-03-06 13:44:49

What is the point in getting married then? Isn't marriage suppose to be about exclusivity? Ok, so your man wants to run around on you, but you can't do the same yet you still want to play house with him? To each their own, but it just doesn't make sense. She is not just sleeping with him, she's in bed with every other woman he has sex with. Heck, why don't he just bring the women home and they have one big orgy? That would make more sense.

H. Smart
2010-03-06 23:04:38

TJR, that's the western way of looking at marriage as a ownership. I think it stems from slavery or the puritans odd value system. Either way, in other parts of the world, marriage is about building family and increasing a family's territory. That may involve marrying several wives, or having several children. It's not about "cheating" or "not cheating". Our way of viewing marriage is actually juvenile and selfish...if you are willing to think outside of the box that you are groomed to sit in.
An open marriage isn't about just the man having free will, it's a mutual agreement. So your take on what Monique is expressing is not the same thing. And I believe you are reducing the concept of marriage to sex and sex alone.

Anne
2010-03-07 06:50:43

Both of them are taking a huge risk, and by condoning this kind of behavior she is exposing herself to the risk of STD's (especially AIDS) as well as children fathered outside their marriage. There is absolutely no merit in this situation. It's not about "slavery" or "western" values, as there are African and Asian societies that are monogamy-based. I am quite sure he likes the fact that she doesn't sleep with anyone else. But she is condoning what in effect is disrespect toward her. There is always the risk that he could fall in love with someone else, which would really throw a monkey wrench into the works. And like tjr says, she is also having sex in effect with everyone he has had sex with. Besides, the point of marriage is to dedicate yourself to one person. To address another comment above, there is always the possibility that she could contract HIV even with a faithful husband. But that is possible only if he had HIV when they married, or one of them contracted it during a blood transfusion. And what kind of example does that provide for their kids? Since most people don't condone that, their male kids could be in for a very rude awakening if they try to continue that practice as men.

nhlanhla
2010-03-07 11:04:36

although I have never openly practiced an open relationship, still to me it seems to be the most honest way of being with someone else. I dont think we get hurt if or when spouses/partners cheat - because they have cheated, but because they have misled us, with our encouragement, to believe in something that never existed, to make plans around that facade and if/when they cheat we get hurt for being betrayed or eye hooded and for wasting time.

So to avoid the dishonesty and possibilities of betrayal, being open and mutually agreeing about being the 'openness' seems quite rational and adult.

So as not to be caught out, many years later, as the 'Stella that got her FAKE groove back'

Cecil Jones
2010-03-07 16:23:44

I think this revelation by Monique is "So Precious." It also provides political cover for Hollywood not to vote for her monster performance and shame everything Black. Let's see how it plays out? I'm pulling for a "Shutout." Well, if Gabby were to win an Oscar, I'd salute her. The movie was about trash and she played her role well. She is far from anyone's discarded trash. Great job, but there's no "Newcomer Oscar." Do better roles and win.

tjr
2010-03-07 19:10:29

@ H. Smart "in other parts of the world, marriage is about building family and increasing a family's territory" If thats the case then why isn't Monique allowed to share her eggs with other men? Because she's a woman it's not the same? You stated that the "western" view of marriage is very selfish, well in my view a man having more than one woman in his life to be in fact selfish. Let the woman have more than one man then. Take for example the current president of South Africa, he is 67 years old and just married his third wife,(he has more that aren't living with him and who knows how many children) that's not selfish? I am willing to think outside the box and let Monique play the field as well. Because multiple marriages is not a western concept and is practiced in Africa and Asia doesn't give it validity. You said... "I think it stems from slavery or the puritans odd value system." This is not the case in Africa or Asia? It's only in those societies the man has his way and the women must know their place. As I said, to each their own but if the marriage was truly open Monique would be able to play the field, I wonder how her husband would feel about that? It's a dangerous practice in todays world with so many STD's going around. Having a monogamous marriage is possible if you can't be faithful to one person then don't get married, or rather get married but let both parties have cake, whatever!

Cecil Jones
2010-03-07 23:18:40

I congradulate the "Precious Family" for their victories, but I must say to the Black America Daily family "We've been Bamboozled." Hollywood has given the worst we can offer their highest award so the ugliest visions of Black life can be shared nationwide. Talk about taking steps backward. Some of you will never get it. I'm eating "Crow" but let's see how this plays out now? Would images of "Blackface" been given an Oscar? We did this to ourselves and it was rewarded. Never again, should we embarass ourselves and applaud. Shame on us. Crow tastes just like chicken.

Ron Lee
2010-03-07 23:45:42

Remeber,Mo'Nique,is just a celebrity,she is not 'Niche'.

nhlanhla
2010-03-08 06:24:15

tjr: I think you are right that Monique should have access to other partners too. That's the way it should be in an open relationship. She choses not to be for reasons not specified here.

Nonetheless, I dont see how what Monique is talking about is connected to polygamy as practised in heavily patriachal societies. There, all what I see happening is the abuse of women by society AS A WHOLE. And I dont think the societies that are matriachal are any different either.

I just dont get why people want to have or give more power for power's sake over and to others, whether they are men or women. I think it's so much nicer feeling and being equal.

What the S.A. president has done and with the permission of the rest of the society is quite primal.

All end i'd say it.
2010-03-08 11:25:13

I think all of the world needs to have marriage defined forget all the opinions what is the true meaning of marriage this would even settle the same sex marriage debate I think the world is coming to a close too many issues too many different views that have not answers too the topics so what happens we end up living like cavemen "my bad cavepeople" can't say it like that anymore,see what I'm saying. I'm done plus I'm hungry I gonna eat a burger oops is PETA going to get mad "$h!t" what's right or wrong who knows Only the good LORD !

Anne
2010-03-08 19:58:04

What could be more dishonest, immature, and self-centered than believing that it's okay for one to run around but not one's spouse or significant other? No amount of saying that monogamy is "westernized" can make their situation a defensible one. And I have no doubt that men who are rationalizing it would balk at the idea of its being okay for women. The idea that all things "western" are bad and all those "non-western" are good doesn't stand up under analysis. An idea or practice is good as long as it's positive and life-affirming regardless of its origin. The rationale for polygamy is that the man would be able to support multiple spouses, so in this case, Monique's husband is enjoying the benefits without the responsibilities. Aside from STD's and the possibility of unwanted fatherhood on his part, there is also the possible complication of one of the women falling in love with him and thrusting a monkey wrench into his and Monique's marriage. And, yes, it is abuse of her regardless of how she tries to rationalize or defend it.

jena
2010-03-08 21:45:29

I love Monique and I am highly disappointed in this statement. I think in any relationship one should expect an monogamous relationship. I think if you can accept less it has to an esteem thing. What would make anyone settle for sharing unless you don't think you have enough value to deserve that.

BigBlackRus
2010-03-09 01:35:38

She is just straight up nasty with her hairy legs and obviously doesn't value herself enough to feel that she deserves respect!!!

nhlanhla
2010-03-09 03:08:16

Anne and Jena dearests, my sense is that you are projecting your own frustrations from cheating partners on these news. Monique says she is happy. Let it be.

Cecil Jones
2010-03-09 06:16:38

Let's put Nique on the couch for a minute and understand the roots of comedy is her pain. In pain, we are permitted to reach an understanding with the audience and a level of intimacy that is like an aphrodesiac. It is intoxicating and addictive. It can be better than sex and not always shared by the people we love. Laughter is an understanding shared that liberates the soul. Sex is a physical bond where laughter can also be shared, but not naked. Monique's physical bonding is often complicated by her self-image and laughter. She feels unworthy therefore she doesn't demand the intimacy and exclusivity everyone deserves when in love. Sadly, she has learned to cope with whatever love she can find and all the laughter she can make. That's just my opinion and the time on the couch is up.

Robin
2010-03-09 12:19:13

Cecil Jones,

I think we might need to put you on the couch after that pseudo psychoanlalyis of Mo'Nique. Just kidding.

I know a lot of married couples and I would say the majority of them have experienced infidelity in their marriage -- it's a relatively common problem. IMO Mo'Nique is just being upfront enough to say it out loud -- men are prone to cheat -- recognizing that fact it's not a relationship deal breaker for her. I don't think she's saying you have my blessing to cheat or it's okay to cheat on me, she's simply recognizing it's a possiblity in any relationship and she can deal with it.

Cecil Jones
2010-03-09 13:46:46

Robin, men are just as prone to cheat as women; however, women are far more deceptive and deceitful when they choose to cheat. For a woman it's always a choice. For a man it's an opportunity granted to him by a deceitful woman. How's that for some pseudo psychoanalysis? Women rule and I know it.

natalie
2010-03-09 23:54:38

Most people truly lack comprehension skills if they do not get that Monique is only saying infidelity is not a deal breaker. Most married people I know have been unfaithful atleast one time and this transgression didn't end their marriage. Because Monique is fat and dark, her thoughts and views are blamed on a so-called "self esteem/bodyimage" problem, when Russell Simmons, will Smith and Jada have all shared a similar point of view,but since they are thin, they aren't accused of suffering from a lack of self esteem. Ossie and Ruby Dee Davis did have an open marriage for a few yrs but it didn't work well for them.

nhlanhla
2010-03-10 04:19:07

I see your point Natalie. According to some, Monique's physical attributes pre-determine her self esteem. What a projection.

And Will Smith did actually say the say thing. But how can HE have a low self esteem? Bloody idiots.

Anne
2010-03-12 06:45:52

Whether it's a question of her self-esteem or whether she thinks it's not a deal breaker does not alter the fact that there are too many risks with this kind of lifestyle. She is in effect having sex with everyone he has had sex with. Aside from the possibility of STD's and unwanted fatherhood, one of these women could want something more than sex and wreak havoc on their marriage. There is also the possibility that one of these women could be emotionally unstable, which could represent another whole set of problems. There is a big difference between someone having one affair and being a serial cheater. The only "honest" thing would be to simply not get married if one wants to play the field. And by the way, would he be as open to her doing the same thing?

Cecil Jones
2010-03-12 07:43:45

The rights and privilidges we reserve for ourself are the same rights we permit others to exercise. Do unto others as others would do unto you. Why let someone deliberately hit you emotionally or physically violating your intimacy? Why? You are doing it to them, but you reserve the right not to tell when. That's no relationship that an inconvenient truth. Don't wait up for me honey, I'm on my talk show hitting on everybody I can. How would they do on Temptation Island? They'd be going home alone.

bjm910
2010-03-18 23:30:21

Monique has done a wonderful job with here career. Kudos on the award, but there is NO SUCH THING as an open marriage. If you are a GOD FEARING CHRISTIAN, it is made clear that marriage is exclusive. Marriage is for a man and a women to be together giving themselves only to eachother. Yes, it is possible to forgive be un faithful in a marriage, but allowing and condoning that behavior is just wrong. Being open is Not being faithful, telling the truth is Not being faithful. In no way is this okay. Marriage is SOLE commitment to a partner, that is why it should not be taken lightly.

Stephen
2010-07-03 13:56:43

I just wish that people spent as much time worrying about all of the folks gloryfying shacking up and having babies without the benefit of a marriage as they do discussing Monique's open marriage. At least they are not pretending to be monogamous while cheating on their spouse.

Anne
2010-07-03 14:30:20

It's a whole lot more honest just to not get married if you feel you are incapable of being faithful. I wouldn't be surprised if Monique's husband went ballistic if she decided to do what he does. What she is doing is being an enabler in his self-deception. That's usually the case with someone who wants to sew wild oats, so to speak. They don't like it when their own behavior is turned against them. Usually, they can't take what they dish out.

WillyBirdie
2011-03-28 16:40:39

Did anyone catch what brand of e cigarette Johny Depp was smoking in the tourist? Just curious if they paid for product placment.

Branden Heier
2011-11-24 23:02:12

What's your twitter account name for following :)

Leroy Cease
2011-12-25 08:04:35

Sorry for the huge review, but I'm really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it's the right choice for you.

tekka
2012-01-11 21:20:28

If you read Monique's statement again its clear....she's not saying it wouldn't bother her if her husband steps out, but that's not enough to make her walk away from her relationship. Idk but if I were her I would have kept that to myself.

Odessa Hammargren
2012-01-30 17:50:21

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Samella Niggemann
2012-02-08 18:51:30

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