Shirley, you jest

Paul Shirley doesn't think the Haitians deserve a dime. Paul Shirley says the Haitians should "maybe use a condom once in a while." Paul Shirley thinks helping the Haitians is a waste of time.

Who Is Paul Shirley?

With a total of 33 points scored over a 18 game NBA "career", Paul Shirley never did diddly-squat on the court worth mentioning. The only reason to notice him now is because saying something dumb got him the attention that sitting at the end of the bench guarding the Gatorade never did.

While the rest of the world looks to do the right thing and help those in need there's always one in every crowd whose contribution is demonstrate there's no situation where selfishness and stupidity can't be interjected.

In this case it's Paul Shirley. Insert one big "WHO?" here.

Paul Shirley, a former NBA player whose greatest accomplishment prior to popping off about Haiti was being the tall stiff and 12th man holding down the end of the benches of the three teams he briefly "played" for. Shirley took time out from picking splinters out of his backside to pen a long, boring and mean-spirited essay about the world's response to the earthquake in Haiti for the blog FlipCollective.com.

I haven't donated a cent to the Haitian relief effort. And I probably will not.

I haven't donated to the Haitian relief effort for the same reason that I don't give money to homeless men on the street. Based on past experiences, I don't think the guy with the sign that reads "Need You're Help" is going to do anything constructive with the dollar I might give him. If I use history as my guide, I don't think the people of Haiti will do much with my money either.

Shirley goes on to address a "letter" to the Haitians. He's going to speak for the whole world. How nice of him to work so hard so the rest of us don't have to.

Dear Haitians -

The Rest of the World

My mind reels searching for just the right response to such blatant stupidity should be, but I keep coming back to "who the hell is Paul Shirley and why should anyone care about what he says about anything?"

Here's the important numbers you need to know about Paul "Splinters" Shirley: played in 18 games in the NBA for a total of 121 minutes over three seasons for three teams and scored 33 (count 'em) points. He's bounced around to no less than 13 basketball teams in the NBA, to the Yakima Sun Kings to Greece, Russia and China. Which just proves that as long as you're tall (6?10?) you'll get a shot even if you got no game.

Having no skills beyond being White and tall, Shirley garnered more notoriety by writing for ESPN.com about his journeys around the world playing basketball badly for numerous teams. ESPN fired him for his "put on a condom" remarks. Seems they didn't dig what he had to say either.

Paul Shirley is the personification of a non-entity. Plus, he's got the last name of a girl. But at least Rush Limbaugh and Pat Robertson can say "Thanks, Paul" for taking some of the heat off of them as Stupid White Men saying incredibly dumb stuff about something they know nothing about. A week or so from now when this all blows over Shirley can return to the obscurity he's worked for, he's earned and nobody can take away from him.

Darlene Etienne, a 16-year-old girl, was pulled out of the rubble alive some 15 days after the earthquake. By any standard that qualifies as a miracle. Not to someone like Paul Shirley. He'd probably just shrug "so what" and he wouldn't offer her any help.

Maybe he'd toss her a pack of Trojans and tell her to make good usage of it when she feels better.

Shirley should be ashamed for his callous and selfishness. Even a journeyman like him can afford to cough up a lousy ten bucks to help Darlene Etienne and those like her in Haiti. If that's too much to ask perhaps he shouldn't pass up on a perfectly good opportunity to keep his lip zipped if he has nothing positive to add.

In lieu of cash maybe Shirley's has a pair of old sneakers he can donate. Lord knows with all the time he's spent sitting on the bench he sure hasn't worn them out.