Tiger by the tail?

I never thought I'd find myself defending Tiger Woods. But, alas, I am here.

By now, we all know the details of Tiger Woods' storied career. In short, since his professional debut in 1996, he has single-handedly re-written the Professional Golf Association (PGA) record book and he is presently the world's highest paid athlete ever--a billionaire, no less. And he is Black. I mean, Cablinasian.

But, I digress.

Recent events, however, are threatening to overshadow his empire.  Legend has it that Tiger's black Cadillac Escalade hit a fire hydrant, outside his driveway--between midnight on Thanksgiving and the dawn of "Black Friday"--and collided with his neighbor's tree, leaving him lying on the pavement, unconscious and bleeding. A neighbor called 911. His Nordic wife was said to be frantically cradling him when paramedics and law enforcement arrived.

He was rushed to the hospital and released a few hours later. Fortunately, Tiger's injuries are reportedly superficial: facial lacerations.

Disaster averted, right? Yes, for the vehicular crash. But that is not the collision I want to focus on here, for it has become secondary. The real story, as I see it, is Tiger's head-on crash with the Florida Highway Patrol (FHP)--and the vicious, vampire press, or as I call them herein, the tiger.

His fate was sealed when the news surfaced that his petite, wife had smashed the rear window of his SUV with a golf club, purportedly to bodily pull the 6'1'', 185-pound specimen from his tank-like vehicle. Although, the blogosphere is all abuzz with rumors that his wife flew into a jealous rage and teed off on the megastar golfer, like Jazmine "I Bust the Windows out Your Car" Sullivan.  There is even a Taiwanese full computer-generated interpretation on YouTube.

This, after the tabloids had reported earlier in the week that Tiger is allegedly in the throes of a steamy affair with a former TV producer, turned former Long Island nightclub hostess--yet another blonde hottie--last seen jetting off to Los Angeles to meet with her newly retained, high-powered celebrity attorney, Gloria Allred. (I mean, you know there is a full-fledged media circus when Gloria Allred enters the scene.)

Now, almost a week later--in today's 24-hour news cycle--rumors are swirling and everyone is demanding answers. Tiger should "come clean," they say. "Where was he going at 2:30 in the morning?" "What is he hiding?"

And it doesn't help that Tiger's highly paid marketing machine has badly handled what should have been a minor, albeit embarrassing, blip on Tiger's radar screen. Clearly, there is no one adept at crisis management on Team Tiger. Otherwise, the FHP would not have been so thoroughly alienated by repeated public rebuffs by Woods' people.

We learned yesterday that Tiger was cited for "careless driving," fined $164 dollars, and four points on his insurance. In addition, and more ominously, the FHP allegedly had sought to subpoena his medical records from the accident, and maybe even surveillance footage from his home--and/or that of his neighbors--but there was "insufficient evidence" to take such measures.

Initially, the FHP had floated the idea of pending (criminal) charges, which I never quite understood. Exactly what were they looking for? The facts of the actual collision were pretty straightforward. So what else did they need to know? What were the possible charges? Against whom? Tiger? His wife?

The FHP stated that "there were no claims of domestic abuse." But questions remain.

Perhaps that is why the attorney for the neighbors who summoned the police issued the following curious statement yesterday: "The scratches on his face were consistent with someone who maybe was in a minor car accident and hit his head on the windshield. ... None of his injuries looked like he was beat up by his wife." He added that they did not see Mrs. Tiger holding the now infamous golf club.

Call me crazy, but the neighbor's attorney raised more questions than answers.

Still, the fact remains that Tiger Woods is not obligated by law to speak to the police--or anyone--about this matter. He was involved in a one-car accident, for which he has been officially cited. The police have stated categorically that alcohol was not a factor in the crash. Period.

Nor is he obligated to make a public, on-camera admission to the voracious public, fueled by the ratings-driven media. It would almost certainly raise even more questions.  For example. even after his very ill-advised, poorly crafted statement issued on his website, everyone wants still more details. But as Tiger said in his just released apology, "personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn't have to mean public confessions. "

To make matters worse, yet another "mistress" has surfaced, allegedly armed with sex text messages and voice mails from Tiger.

Tiger, Tiger...

It is no wonder he cancelled the long-scheduled press conference to promote the Chevron World Challenge, his celebrity golf tournament benefitting his foundation--or that he will not be in attendance this week at the charity event. Other than the press, who could blame him?

Ultimately, if Tiger has not done so already, he should assemble the best crisis management team that his vast means make possible. Understandably, his present team is not accustomed to adversity, as Tiger has had the proverbial tiger--the media--by the tail ever since he bounded onto the scene as a child prodigy, putting against the legendary Bob Hope on "The Mike Douglas Show" at two years of age.

Now, as the metaphor goes, the tiger has turned on The Tiger, with the ferocity of the real-deal, deadly, striped predator. And if Tiger is smart, he will not surface until his face is healed, lest images of his black-and-blue, Cablinasian face be used from now to perpetuity--even for his obituary.